Ashley Madison vs Ashleya Nicole

…. So someone has been bad. This Ashley Madison website leak has the social media realm in an uproar. It doesn’t affect me personally (I’ve never used the site and am basically single) But it does have me pondering… 


I have always loved the idea of behind the site… it has this no strings attached, hot sex, escapist dream world kind of vibe. And most of the time my head is in the clouds so the liberating concept behind it I dig. Which is why my current relationship woes don’t seem so obscene. I mean honestly, we are two adults that are choosing to keep our ‘bond’ out of the public eye… lol. 

Let me get to my point… I can’t listen to NPR without hearing the Ashley Madison data breach (and sadly that is all I listen too). Today they reported about the aftermath… essentially the influence it has had on social networking and crime. CRIME!… Sigh, there are two confirmed suicides, spousal abuse spikes, and of course the celebrity news behind it. I mean families are affected by this everywhere. And to make it hit a little bit closer to home, I’m sure people engaged in taboo relationships are questioning if its worth it. 

Now I’m a huge advocate for love, … being in love, giving love, and celebrating love of all kinds. I can rationally identify with having relations that some may consider blasphemous forbidden umm… distasteful. (Maybe I mean unfaithful). “But in this life I personally believe that we should focus on giving love instead of limiting it.” ~ Part of my defense… nonetheless, I can’t help but surmise that this way of… living … this relationship I’m in… may do more harm than good.

Yesterday he asked me where do I see this going… (We were previously in a 3 year relationship together so he knows I have some sort of insightful view for our future. lol) Even though this ‘channeled ideal of US’ exist in my mind I wasn’t willing to divulge that information to him. I guess I wanted him to tell me…  For all I know this Ashley Madison dilemma has him feeling if-y too. He of course revealed nothing to me about where ‘we’ are headed expect for saying that it’ll probably end bad… something that we do monthly at this point. And yet, 2 – 3 weeks later we are right back where we started. Hazed by each other, dazed by our chemistry, and crazed by the havoc that will unfold a week later. (Most of the crazed part can be blamed on me) I swear every time I think we are done he surprises me. No matter what type of backlash I unleash on him… he always seems to find me when he’s forgiving me … I have never had to apologize. (Something about that sweetens my heart, knowing that he sees mostly good in me and doesn’t hold those wtf moments over my head is one of the best things I never knew I needed)

So this is where I am… stuck somewhere between my unconditional love for him and my secret expectations, … no maybe I should put it this way my perception of ‘us’ and the reality of others being affected, … I don’t think I’m getting my point across … I am not stuck; movement and progression (change) is inevitable therefore I’m not stuck. It’s more of mindf**k game going on… a ‘Ashley Madison versus Ashleya Nicole’ kind of predicament. Sigh…

* Note to the Universe aka My Creator … Please speak to me on this… I need guidance. 


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