The last 24 hours have been a whirlwind. Learned things I didn’t want to know… Questioned the purpose for many things. And in all my grief the only way I can find peace is if I chant this little truth. I hate that I have to resort to this but, otherwise I’ll never be okay… And I want so desperately to be ok.
It will clearly have to be without you… Well according to my chant. Just know this saying sums up how I will always feel about you. Even if you find it horrific. Just know I have to say it…
“He’s Dead He died, there was an awful accident and he died, he’s dead. I went to the funeral, I wore a black pencil skirt with a black cardigan. It had gold buttons so I buttoned all of them. The only form of color came from my white undershirt that was only visible on my cleavage and the aquamarine studs in my ear. He was Dead, I know this because I saw him in the casket and I almost threw up, he was dead, he died… it was tragic. I will never hear from him or see him again. If I ever did I should drop to my knees and pray to God that he keeps the Devil away because he is dead, he died it was an awful accident. So now I have to let go… So that I’ll be ok.”